“Mental Load”
Over the past couple of years, the internet has started using the phrase “mental load.”
Some people dislike that term. I get it.
But as a mom and especially as a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom I have never felt more seen by a phrase in my life.
Because it’s not just about chores.
It’s about everything that quietly lives in your head… all day… every day. The mental load as a stay-at-home mom is heavy. Not bad, not impossible, just heavy.
Because motherhood doesn’t look the same in every home, the weight each mom carries isn’t the same either. (Motherhood doesn’t look the same in every home)
Short on time?
You can skip ahead to the one shift that helps reduce mental load the most.
Skip Ahead
What the mental load as a stay-at-home-mom actually looks like
Mental load sounds abstract, but it’s painfully specific.
It looks like:
- “I haven’t washed our sheets in over a month.”
- “The kids outgrew their shoes again.”
- “We’re on our last roll of toilet paper.”
- “They ate a week’s worth of snacks in one day.”
- “Where is the tape?”
- “The car needs an oil change.”
- “We’re out of diapers.”
- “Did I pay the trash bill?”
- “My toddler still wears pull-ups at night.”
- “How am I supposed to potty train and homeschool?”
- “When is the last time the floors were mopped?”
- “Why can’t we find ANY matching socks!?” (how I put an end to this very frustrating but real sock problem)
- “Why is my child dealing with (fill in the blank!)”
And that’s just before 9 a.m.
Then it turns into:
- “My almost-8-year-old still struggles to read.”
- “I should get outside.”
- “I need to lift weights.”
- “I need to text my friend back.”
- “My kids need to eat healthier.”
- “I really need to wash my hair”
- “I keep losing my temper.”
Then:
- “We need a date night.”
- “I need alone time.”
- “I never get alone time.”
And suddenly your brain is full… but the day has barely started.
And that mental load can look completely different depending on your season, your support, and your situation.
You become the storage system for everyone’s life
I’m in charge of birthdays.
And presents.
And Christmas.
And wrapping paper.
And tape.
And scissors.
And knowing where all the winter stuff is.
And making sure we have all the right sizes for everything.
I keep track of:
- school information
- medical information
- insurance information
- passwords
- routines
- preferences
I know where everything is.
I am the hard drive for my family.
And somehow, “what’s for dinner?” still gets asked five times a day — even though it’s the last thing I want to think about.
Are they drinking enough water?
Too much screen time?
Did anyone take vitamins?
I used to be so good at that:
Multivitamins.
Fish oil.
Vitamin D.
Probiotics.
Now I’m pretty sure they haven’t had a vitamin in two months.
It’s not just that it’s a lot it’s that we’re often comparing our load to someone else’s without realizing how different our lives actually are.
And it doesn’t just stay in your head — it hits your heart
All of that invisible work doesn’t just sit quietly in your brain.
It affects how you feel.
I’m short-tempered.
Overstimulated.
Snapping when I don’t want to.
I feel like I’m failing — even on days where I never sit down.
I rest for two days, and the house falls apart.
So resting doesn’t feel safe.
It feels expensive.
And somehow… it all falls back on me.
If you’ve ever felt buried by laundry, you might relate to this too:
👉 How I Stopped Losing My Mind Over Laundry With 4 Kids
I didn’t realize how much I was doing… until I wrote it down
I didn’t truly understand how much I was carrying…
until I started reverse planning.
Instead of writing what I should do, I started writing what I did do.
After the fact.
Wash a load of laundry → write it down.
Help with math → write it down.
Make lunch → write it down.
Answer 400 questions → write it down.
I choose just 1–3 essentials for the day.
If something doesn’t get done?
It moves to tomorrow.
No shame.
No failure spiral.
Just reality.
What changed wasn’t my workload — it was how I saw myself
Reverse planning didn’t remove the mental load.
It didn’t magically make life easy.
But it showed me the truth:
I am doing a lot.
I am not lazy.
I am not failing.
I am human — in a role that quietly asks for everything.
And when I see it on paper, I stop telling myself I’m not enough.
👉 My Reverse Daily Planner (the one I personally use) It’s not about doing more — it’s about seeing what you already do.
You are not invisible — even if your work is
I can’t do it all.
Not in a world that expects moms to do everything… while pretending we do nothing.
And yes, my sheets haven’t been washed in six weeks.
That’s gross.
But we’re okay.
My kids are loved.
They’re fed.
They’re learning.
They’re safe.
And that counts for more than perfect systems ever will.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re carrying more than you should, this might help you see why
A few small things that genuinely help our days run smoother
I’m not big on complicated systems, but a few simple things have helped reduce the daily chaos in our home:
I love my one line a day journal. Even on the chaotic days, I can remember the good and the hard!
→ One Line a Day Journal
A visual timer for school transitions (great for toddlers + homeschool flow + my son loves knowing how much longer for certain subjects)
→ Visual timer
A basic weekly vitamin organizer–for the kids and me (when I’m actually on top of it… I go through spurts)
→ Vitamin Organizer
My favorite pens (makes writing in my planner & journals more fun)
→Favorite pens
A large family wall calendar (to get dates out of my head and onto the wall)
→ Large Wall Calendar
And of course, The Reverse Daily Planner
→ The Reverse Daily Planner
→ Get the Printable version Here
Need a calmer start to next week?
👉 Send me the free weekly reset checklist💌 Want simple systems that actually work for real life? Get gentle routines, tiny wins, and realistic tips for busy days — sent to your inbox weekly(ish).
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