The Hard Lessons That Changed How I Homeschool
Every August, I’m convinced this will be the year.
The patient year.
The consistent year.
The year no one feels behind.
The year our homeschool runs smoothly from start to finish.
And almost every year, about six weeks in, I start to feel it.
Behind.
Behind who? I’m not always sure.
Six years into homeschooling, I can confidently say I’ve made mistakes. Not catastrophic ones. Not irreversible ones. But real ones. And if you’re just starting out, or even a few years in, maybe my homeschool mistakes will save you some pressure.
Here are the biggest homeschool mistakes I’ve made so far.
Mistake 1
Starting Formal Academics Too Early
I sat down with my four-year-old and tried to teach her to read.
I wanted her to love books. I wanted her to succeed. I wanted to “get ahead.”
Instead, there were tears. Hers and mine.
I remember raising my voice, frustrated that she wasn’t blending sounds correctly. She was four. And I was expecting focus and maturity she simply didn’t have yet. And patience that I obviously didn’t have yet either.
I still apologize to her sometimes for that season.
The beautiful thing? She is gracious. She forgave me. And I learned. And we can still talk about those days.
What I’ve learned is this: formal academics can wait. Relationship cannot.
Now I’m a big advocate of waiting until around six years old for formal reading instruction unless a child is clearly eager and ready. Learning happens naturally in the early years. Letters get picked up through play. Curiosity builds organically.
Excitement to start on the parents end does not equal readiness for the child.
That was a hard lesson. But a good one.
Mistake 2
Putting Too Much Pressure on the Year
Every year I’ve had big goals.
“This is the year we’ll be totally consistent.”
“This is the year we’ll stay perfectly on track.”
“This is the year we will play all afternoon outside after getting school done in the mornings”
But here’s what my homeschool years have actually looked like:
Pregnancy.
Nursing babies.
Toddlers.
Another pregnancy.
Another nursing season.
Job changes.
Moving.
Ministry stressors.
and stress that everyone goes through in life.
I was trying to run a calm, structured homeschool inside survival seasons.
Of course it felt chaotic.
Of course I felt behind.
What I’ve learned is this: your homeschool must match your life season.
When you have babies and one year olds, your homeschool will feel different than when your youngest is almost 3 and you can finally breathe again. And really? It’s still choatic with a two year old (read about my tips and tricks here for homeschooling with toddlers and babies here) That doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re living real life. And I’ve been told it only gets better…so I’m really looking forward to each year to come!
(If you want to read more about some of the systems that have helped bring calm in the middle of chaos, I share those in my 7 Simple Systems for Stress-Free Homeschooling.)
Mistake 3
Trying to Force a Traditional Homeschool School Schedule
I used to think homeschool should run from 9 a.m. to 11 a.m.
Neat. Contained. Predictable.
But toddlers don’t care about your schedule.
Babies need to be nursed and napped don’t care about your schedule.
Errands don’t care about your schedule.
Life doesn’t care about your schedule.
Some days we’ve done flashcards at the kitchen counter while I cleaned up dinner. Some lessons have happened in the evening. Some days have been heavy on conversation and light on worksheets.
Education does not only happen in a two-hour morning block. And often at my house school doesn’t get started before 10am no matter how hard I try. And on other days, very rare days, all of our school is done by 10am!
The flexibility of homeschooling is one of the greatest gifts, but I was trying to squeeze it into a traditional mold.
Letting go of that expectation changed everything.
Mistake 4
Measuring Ourselves by a System We Never Chose
This one surprised me.
My kids have never attended public school.
We didn’t leave the system.
And yet somehow, I was still measuring us by it. And really, I still struggle with this one from time to time.
Grade levels.
Benchmarks.
“What should a second grader know by now?”
Every summer people would ask, “When are you done for the year?”
And I’d say, “Oh, we kind of school all year.”
Technically that was true.
But what was really happening?
I felt like we were behind.
So summer quietly became catch-up season.
And then I’d want to be outside all day and chilling with my kiddos so catch-up season became “I feel like a failure” season because my kids are behind.
Behind what?
Catch up to what?
A pacing guide that doesn’t belong to us.
A calendar we didn’t sign up for.
A system we never entered.
I was running a race we never agreed to run.
And without realizing it, I was letting that invisible standard decide whether we were successful.
That’s a mistake I don’t want to keep making.
Mistake 5
Never Having an End Date:
Because I felt “behind,” we never truly finished.
The goal was to just kept going.
Even if you homeschool year-round, you still need an end date. A finish line. A celebration.
Ice cream.
A beach day.
A special dinner.
A simple “We did it.”
This is the first year, six years in, that I’m intentionally planning an end date.
Not because we won’t learn over the summer. We probably will.
But because my kids deserve to feel accomplishment.
And really? So do I.
Mistake 6
Not Writing Down What We Actually Accomplished
For years, I didn’t document what we did.
And when you don’t write it down, you only remember what you didn’t finish.
This year I started something simple.
Each week, I write down what we actually did:
Two math lessons.
Four reading lessons.
Field trip.
Five read-aloud books.
Watercolor painting.
Nature walks.
Flashcard review.
Sort of like my Reverse Daily Planner, but for our homeschool. (and I’m currently working on an official Reverse Homeschool Planner that I can share with everyone!)
We’re currently around week 32 for this year.
When we hit our end date, I’m going to flip through those pages and see everything we accomplished. I’m going to remind my kids of the highlights. I’m going to ask them their favorite memories.
And we are going to celebrate.
That small shift, writing down what we’ve done instead of obsessing over what we haven’t, has already changed my mindset.
Six Years In…
Six years into homeschooling, I’m still learning.
Not just how to teach.
But how to unlearn.
How to let go of comparison.
How to match our homeschool to our real life.
How to define success on our own terms.
Homeschool doesn’t have to be perfect to be powerful.
Next week, I’m sharing what our homeschool actually looks like, the curriculum we use, why we use it, and how it works in this season of life.
Because while I’ve made mistakes, we’ve also built something that fits our family.
And that’s worth sharing.